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Cults, Sales Gurus, and Being True To Yourself

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During my teen years, my father who is a Psychologist, dedicated a few years of his career as a specialist helping parents get their adult children back from being brainwashed into cults.

He was one of a handful of experts who was skilled at “deprogramming” these cult members,
helping them transition back into a normal family environment.

  I remember in vivid detail the amount of emotional energy my dad put into helping the
parents of these kids (I call them kids, because their parents always talked about them as their children)
cope with the dysfunction caused by the powerful “pull” that these cults had on their members.

  My dad would spend hours, sometimes around the clock, helping these people break loose
from the mantras and destructive thinking that was preached by their cult leaders.

  As you can only imagine, it was a gut wrenching experience for these parents to see
their kids lose themselves into a group that teaches breaking away from the people who care about them most.

  One thing my dad used to tell me was that these cult leaders would indoctrinate their
members with the same mantras and messages that appealed to their members year after year.

  Same messages, same thinking, same results, year after year, without awareness
of the harm that they do to others.

  The uncanny thing about all this, is that I see myself in very much the same role as him --
helping people who sell, that have been “indoctrinated” into old school sales thinking, break away
from the same messages and old thinking that disconnects them – not from those who care about them – but from themselves.

  You see, many of the old and newer sales “gurus” continue to pitch these same tired dictums:
“Go for the close”, “Rejection is a normal part of selling that you have to accept”, and
“If you’re pitch isn’t working, it’s YOUR fault and you aren’t cut out for sales.”

  And that type of thinking is what creates a wedge between how you’re “supposed” to
communicate with a prospect and how you normally communicate with another human being.

  It’s a new business environment out there, and if you’re not building trust, being completely
authentic and helping solve others’ problems, then you’ll continue to hit your head against the proverbial “wall”.

  Take a look at this article I originally wrote about seven years ago, “7 Ways to Cut Loose From Old Sales Thinking”, it’s just as relevant today, as it was then:

7 Ways to Cut Loose from Old Sales Thinking

Old Sales Mindset

 New Sales Mindset

 
Always start out with a strong sales pitch. 
 Stop the sales pitch. Start a conversation.
Your goal is always to close the sale.
Your goal is always to discover whether you and your prospect are a good fit.
 
When you lose a sale, it's usually at the end of the sales process. 
When you lose a sale, it's usually at the beginning of the sales process.
 
Rejection is a normal part of selling, so get used to it.  
 
Hidden sales pressure causes rejection. Eliminate sales pressure, and you’ll never experience rejection. 
 
Keep chasing prospects until you get a yes or no.  
Never chase prospects. Instead, get to the truth of whether there’s a fit or not. 
 
When prospects offer objections, challenge and/or counter them.
 
When prospects offer objections, validate them and reopen the conversation. 
 
If prospects challenge the value of your product or service, defend yourself and
explain its value.
 

Never defend yourself or what you have to offer. This
 only creates more sales pressure.




12 Comments     Add Your Comments Here

Paul Simister, Birmingham, UK , June 8, 2010 at 9:31 AM
Nice article Ari.

For me it's about being yourself and trying to help the prospective customer.

Some can pitch - and be very convincing.

Some can use sleazy, manipulative tactics and still look as innocent as a new born baby.

Most of us can't.

And if we try, it comes across as unnatural and fake... and surprise, surprise the customer bolts.
Matt, Flushing, New York , June 8, 2010 at 9:27 AM
Wow, I feel this paradigm shift in sales mentality is so important not just in being successful in business, but in training oneself to have more integrity and authentic concern for their fellow man by really making an honest attempt in evaluating if you can in fact help them. I loved it! Thanks Ari
Michelle Finnegan Nixon , Bakersfield Ca USA , July 4, 2008 at 7:28 PM
I loved this article because you brought to light the art of "Programming". In 1992 I was introduced to Metaprograms and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It was there that I was taught that it was harder to snap a person out of a trans (state of mind) then to put them into one. For example, if we are driving we can get from point A to point B without realizing it because we are so caught up in thought. Why is programming so important? This is important because we can assume that another person is a certain way when in reality they are not. My mentor told me--the next time you have a problem with someone--ask who they remind you of. I thought how interesting--Everytime I had a conflict with a stranger--it was the same tone or behavior. WOW that was insightful. Anytime I come in contact with a person that reminds me of someone else that I am not comfortable with, I am able to adjust and turn the situation around. I wasn't doing this with cold calling. I didn't even think about this programming. When I cold call certain people I immediately connect with them and others I run into the same familiarity and we do not connect. Your program has taught me very quickly that it is my mindset that is throwing me off. The prospect may have a tone or behavior that I am uncomfortable with but that is not their problem. Your program has taught me how to relax with these prospects and to not assume anything about their nature and to simply connect. No pressure which is what I was experiencing when I heard "the voice" or pattern. I mean even in sales they talk about the different personality types and how to deal with them. My perception of personality types has been getting in my way. Thank you for bringing back the "being true to yourself" principle. Again, Thank you Ari.
Carole Heiderr, Traverse City, Michigan 49686 , June 11, 2008 at 9:06 AM
Thank you for your blog Ari. Good stuff to read through. Enriched and enlightened by it. Great exchange in this market! Thanks
Ted, Colchester, Essex, England , March 5, 2008 at 12:30 PM
Hi Ari, I'm one of those cult members that your Dad was concerned about. I went through an unsuccessful deprogramming and remained in the so-called cult where I subsequently married and had four kids. I've been working in sales for the past twenty years on a self-employed basis, normally face to face, hands on retail and financial sales. I would like to say that I appreciate what you are doing and have found it helpful in my own sales life, although there is a constant tension between the old school 'way of the world', and the natural desire to engage with fellow human beings in a genuine and positive way. Your analogy with cults is instructive and I hope and trust that your Dad's motives were truly genuine and not profit-driven like many other so-called deprogrammers. There is a tension between the world of psychology and the world of faith, one that is difficult to navigate. But I would agree with you that belief systems tend to become rigid and are vulnerable to genuine human dialogue. Taking a page from your book, however, I would say to your Dad that I've let go of the end goal of converting him, I'm not chasing him anymore, and I have no need to defend my choice of faith (or cult)! Does that make sense?
Norm Ford, Brisbane Australia , February 6, 2008 at 6:37 PM
Hi,
A new twist by an "oldie" from the old school.
Firstly I was taught back in the early 70's that.....
"No one is a prospect until they realize that they have a problem and need a solution. Until that happens (to them)they are still SUSPECTS"

So if you can learn this new word (suspect) and what it means - things get easier.

It's called "qualification"

Secondly by questioning... you can then find if they have a problem.

And then you slip into the Xerox SPIN Sales Methodologies that I learnt back in the early 80's.

So bannish this word Prospect from YOUR thinking. It has to come from the SUSPECT.

End of story.

Learn the SPIN Method.
And the "I" is the key.
And if you do it right.... the game then becomes a "laydown mizaire" (from Bridge)

But that's another story.

Its easy

Cheers - Norm
Dave, UK , January 22, 2008 at 11:16 AM
Reading these comments makes me realise just how misguided many organisations are out there in blunting their sales effectivness and making it hard on the people carrying out the sales role. Little is worse than being on the end of an assumptive, pressurised sales pitch yet even the largest organisations continue to work this way. Just this week I had two calls at home from companies selling things. One was a very large replacement window firm who are a UK leader and have massive resources in training and budget, yet the call was laden with assumptive statements followed by an assumed alternative close that belonged in 1972. You realise just how manipulative and transparent this cliched style of selling is - yet it continues and isn't going away fast (which is good for us!)

I think that those who utilise UTG are in itself offering their clients a key 'USP' and a welcome respite from the old school people out there. The biggest benefit though is its a nicer way to earn a living, one that keeps your self respect intact rather than those who continue with high pressure tactics and effectively beg for appointments.

I've long thought that we cannot be all things to all people. Most companies at any one time do not need us on the day we call - but they might in the future, so why press for an appointment just to keep the sales manager happy and play the numbers game? If you look at it logically, pressing someone to do what they really don't want to do is madness as it cannot be long lasting. I think UTG really takes that pressure away by acknowleding the truth; - that we really do not know prior to calling whether that person needs us now or not at all. Keeping that in mind is a great way to work in a dignified manner.
Steve Ettel, Minneapolis, MN USA , January 19, 2008 at 11:10 AM
I've been in sales for over 30 years, so I'm very familiar with "old school" sales methods and training (pitch "features & benefits", take the prospect/customer through the "pain funnel", etc., etc.). There was a time when that approach was appropriate, but it is no longer valid (unless you find someone still living in the 60's or 70's). Getting to the truth (or more precisely, "their truth") is the key to determining if there's a fit and a sale. Forget the manipulative questions. Most people see right through it and will blow you off. However, when the conversation involves mutual respect, "moving forward", which is what we want to occur, is more likely to happen. I've been an UTG practioner for close to 3 years. I no longer focus on "closing the sale" and I can honestly say I enjoy the sales process more now than I ever have. "Old School" is over. The principles taught in UTG are the way of the present and future.
Steven Burke, Hamilton, Ontario , January 17, 2008 at 10:14 AM
You know, the best sales training that has ever been produced, from various sales schools, the ones that did great research themselves, it all promotes conversation instead of pitching.

This is undeniable - Selling isn't telling.

Ari, if you have experienced sales training that teaches something else, and it must be out there or this would not strike a nerve at all, then good for you by pointing out that it is wrong. Just be careful, as there is nothing new in communication. Dale Carnegie had it right 60+ years ago, so did Earl Nightingale.

One must assume there has always been bad training, as there have always been poor role models too.

Finding out that a prospect does not have needs for what we offer definetely is best learned early on. And, if you are not asking questions and shutting up and listening to the prospect there is no way you will learn that early. Too right.







John Deck, Garden Valley, CA , January 16, 2008 at 10:11 PM
Old school / hard sell will not die any time soon. It has too strong an appeal to non-sales management that has such a hard time understanding the subtleties and sophistication in new sales mindset. More than once over the years I have heard: “the sales team is not calling enough”, “need to work the leads we have harder”, and one of my favorites “just need to work harder at closing the opportunities we have”. I once got a call and was told that according the CRM package I was not making the same amount calls as another sales person. My reply was that my sales were twice those of the other representative. The comment back was that management would still think that I was not working the opportunities hard enough. A sales book published last year by a national sales guru was all about hard sell and deception and was aimed squarely at management's insecurities. It is all too easy to blame the sales person than the techniques and lack of effective marketing.
P.S. I do so like competing against old school.
Larry Hoover, Rancho Cucamonga, CA , January 16, 2008 at 9:42 PM
Yes! Yes! Yes! To understand is easy but to implement and put the "mindset" into practice (unconsciously)is tough but worth it.

Will it take lots of practice? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Worth it? Yes!
A "no-brain-er"?????
Ray Bigger, Singapore , January 16, 2008 at 3:52 PM
I agree entirely. Getting sales people to understand their role is to solve problems and present solutions. It is not just the issues the buyer has stated or indicated in adddtion it is all about identifying issues the buyer hadn't even thought about. When you get this sort of response "Nobody has asked me that question before" you have started to create opportunities for presenting solutions. The main ingredient has to be the sales person creating value in providing the solution. One of Asia's challenges is the culture of a trader mentality whch means a deal at any price i.e. get the deal done which invaribly means discounts and doesn't lead to a win-win. I often suggest at workshops that the sales person title is dead because today the sales role is far, far more important than that: if only CEO's would recognise that

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